I Screwed Up. Now I'm Alone.

It happens right?

Yeah well it seems to happen to me all the time. I can blabber out excuses and apologies but in the end, they're just excuses. No matter how legit and heartfelt they are, they're just excuses. Nothing counts. It's all up in the air.

So when I have a bad day, or something exciting happens, I have nobody to talk to. Not in a real sense anyway. I don't know how many times I almost texted her in the last few days before I realized that "oh, she isn't talking to me." It sucks and every time I get that thought and have that realization, it hurts every time. And it happened a lot the last couple of days.

I get that I shouldn't forget plans, in fact I know it's 100% wrong. I feel worse and worse about it because I know how important these plans we made were to her. But I forgot. Plain and simple. And what's even worse was that other plans of the same variation were made instead.

In the broad spectrum of things though, while it was my obligation and duty as a best friend to remember these said plans, is it not her obligation to say "oh hey, we still on for friday?" a week or so before they were supposed to happen? Is that not fair? I don't know all the rules to the "Best Friends Bible" but I've always assumed it'd be a two way street... Right?

How many times have I been bailed on, forgotten about (when making plans with others), or asked last minute? When my birthday came around and everybody had excuses - while legit - did I say anything? When promises were made to make up for it, were they kept? No. Did I say anything then? No. Did I even get a simple card to acknowledge that a birthday had passed? No. Even a simple, thoughtful note would have sufficed, but that didn't happen. But did I say a word? No.

I try to go out of my way to please everybody and I think that seems to be my issue. I speak before I  think. I have a horrible memory and I don't go out too often so I get way too excited when something comes up that I again, forget about previous plans.  I suck. I admit it. Who knows, maybe it'll go back to normal but as of right now I can't text who I want to most. I can't talk to others without feeling judged (which is exactly what is happening even if they say it isn't), and I feel like no matter what people are taking sides - which isn't exactly cool.

I don't really know where else or who else I should talk to about this so I guess OpinioNation will have to do. I doubt anybody will ever read but if you do, comment, advise, criticize. I want to know people's opinions. Even if it hurts.

Wise Woman, Wise Words

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

- Marilyn Monroe