I Screwed Up. Now I'm Alone.

It happens right?

Yeah well it seems to happen to me all the time. I can blabber out excuses and apologies but in the end, they're just excuses. No matter how legit and heartfelt they are, they're just excuses. Nothing counts. It's all up in the air.

So when I have a bad day, or something exciting happens, I have nobody to talk to. Not in a real sense anyway. I don't know how many times I almost texted her in the last few days before I realized that "oh, she isn't talking to me." It sucks and every time I get that thought and have that realization, it hurts every time. And it happened a lot the last couple of days.

I get that I shouldn't forget plans, in fact I know it's 100% wrong. I feel worse and worse about it because I know how important these plans we made were to her. But I forgot. Plain and simple. And what's even worse was that other plans of the same variation were made instead.

In the broad spectrum of things though, while it was my obligation and duty as a best friend to remember these said plans, is it not her obligation to say "oh hey, we still on for friday?" a week or so before they were supposed to happen? Is that not fair? I don't know all the rules to the "Best Friends Bible" but I've always assumed it'd be a two way street... Right?

How many times have I been bailed on, forgotten about (when making plans with others), or asked last minute? When my birthday came around and everybody had excuses - while legit - did I say anything? When promises were made to make up for it, were they kept? No. Did I say anything then? No. Did I even get a simple card to acknowledge that a birthday had passed? No. Even a simple, thoughtful note would have sufficed, but that didn't happen. But did I say a word? No.

I try to go out of my way to please everybody and I think that seems to be my issue. I speak before I  think. I have a horrible memory and I don't go out too often so I get way too excited when something comes up that I again, forget about previous plans.  I suck. I admit it. Who knows, maybe it'll go back to normal but as of right now I can't text who I want to most. I can't talk to others without feeling judged (which is exactly what is happening even if they say it isn't), and I feel like no matter what people are taking sides - which isn't exactly cool.

I don't really know where else or who else I should talk to about this so I guess OpinioNation will have to do. I doubt anybody will ever read but if you do, comment, advise, criticize. I want to know people's opinions. Even if it hurts.