Take it or leave it.

I am 23 (almost 24) and I've never had a boyfriend.

Is it because I'm above average in size? Maybe. Is it because I'm extremely shy and a little insecure with myself? Probably. Or is it because I just haven't found somebody who is worth it? Yeah, I don't think so. I know everybody says there are 'plenty of fishi in the sea', or 'good things come to those who wait' but I am seriously starting to lose faith.

Why am I not able to find somebody who accepts me for me? Somebody who can accept all my flaws and quirks? Somebody who can accept that I am far from perfect but I am definitely the lovable type. I am one who loves to do things for people, just because. I love to smile and laugh and make light of heavy situations (if it's allowed).

My life is complicated, yet simple. I have been through a lot but I have not had very many experiences. I want to live, learn, and love with somebody who understands that. I'm making this sound like a dating ad, but that's not what I want. It's not like I'm expecting somebody to message my blog and be like 'let's go out'. A) It would never happen and B) I'm not one for online dating...been there, done that...I never had the guts to go through with it.

I prefer I meet somebody face to face. Blame the journalist in me, or whatever, but there is only so much you can learn from a person by talking to them online. You don't get to experience the way their voice changes when they talk, or their body language when they inch closer on the couch during a movie session. I want to know if what I'm seeing is the real deal or not.

To be honest, along with this no boyfriend deal, I've only been on two-ish dates. I say ish because my first one was set up when I was the tender age of 14. This was after being stood up twice before hand, and another deal breaker was that it was set up between my mom and her mechanic - that's right, her mechanic. The second date was an ish because I wasn't entirely sure if it was or not. I mean everything pointed to a yes. Even the body language at the end and the conversation that said 'I'll text you later and we'll make plans to get together again'. Ever since then, I've had reason to believe I got my hopes up - again.

What's the deal? I know all guys say girls/women are confusing, but what about them? Maybe I should just watch "He's Just Not That Into You" again and maybe I'll get the hint? Maybe.

I'm lost, confused, and at this point, afraid that I'll never get what I'm longing for. Ever.

Call me a pessimistic (which is odd considering I'm usually the optimist), but I guess that's just how it is. That's how I feel and until I find something or someone who makes me think differently, it's the way I'll be.